Lately, I've been torn. I want to go to Korea and have an adventure and experience life in a way that I haven't really done before. The money would be good (which would be a first in my life) and I might actually be able to pay my bills and save a little money for later! And it would be...well, an adventure! I never got to study abroad when I was in college, and I regretted it, and when am I going to have an opportunity like this again?
But, when I went back to my apartment to sign my early contract termination papers and pack up a few things, I realized how heart broken I really was. I had created a life there and friends, and I was finally a grown up...as silly as that sounds. It made me want to stay, to figure it out and not go anywhere.
So, now I'm stuck in this place of deciding. And the decisions, as of now, aren't even in my hands. It all depends on who decides to hire me next. My life always seems to hang in the hands of employers--where I'll go, what I'll do, who I'll meet.
My next big frustration is that I'm alone. So many of my friends are seriously dating, engaged, married and now having babies. I'm not there yet, I'm glad to not have a family just yet, as I still have life to live and things to accomplish before I settle down. But I'm tired of being single and alone. I want someone to hang out with in the day and cuddle with in the night. The thing that I hate most about this stage where everyone around me is no longer with me is the changes. These people used to have the same mindset as me and laugh at the same corny, cheesiness that happens when people fall in love. And now, they are those people. And apparently people in love don't like to be made fun of. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to fall in love and not be able to laugh at the silly things...and become so significant other focused that I don't see how silly I/we am/are.
Guess, I just need to get out there and figure it out. Or wait around forever.
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