Clarification?

Sooo I'm ridiculously sad. A month seems like FOREEVVEERRR. And honestly, who's going to take care of me on my birthday? That's what makes me really sad. I don't have any close close friends that I can trust enough. And again, that makes me sad that my BFF's won't be here to help me celebrate this momentous year!

I'm sad because E's gone for the month, of course, I'll for sure miss him...but I'm more sad because without E, I'm suriously alone for the first time. And it sort of just hit me like a sack o' potatoes...I'm on my own. He's been like my rock (how corny does THAT sound?!?) for the past month and so everything seemed ok, and now I have to learn to just stand on my own two feet again and it's seriously scary.

I think it wouldn't be so bad if my other co worker was alright, but he really keeps to himself and I'm just kind of stuck with a bunch of gossipy Korean women...who think I'm a sluthobag.

And from the last post, I'm confused because of a random meltdown I had on Sunday night/Monday morning. I had yet another random panic attack. We were hanging out at the bar and everything was fine, I made a new friend (who kept inviting me back to his house...so I'm not sure if we're actually friends, or if he's just hoping to get laid...I guess we'll find out, eh?), and things were fine. And theeeen all of a sudden, I just couldn't breathe. And I was trying to play it cool, I'd take a minute to walk away from the group to suck in as much air as possible. We ended up going back to my new friends house anyway (the whole group of us, not just me and him...). And I just kind of suffered through it. But E noticed (I think it was hard not to notice haha). And so when we left (to which prompted several confused text messages from my new friend), E was super nice and like kept trying to comfort me, which then made me start crying like an idiot so then I just sounded like a stupid wheezing child in the middle of the street. (I'm not sure how much of this he remembers, I'm hoping none of it...as he was delightfully drunk) So we stood on the street in front of Dan's house, just E and I while I cried/tried to find my breath (which was made all the more difficult by the crying/talking/joking/laughing). I just don't like it...I understand that it has to be linked to some crazy emotion, but the fact that it comes out of nowhere is ridiculous...and 100% confusing.

And the kind of heart broken is caused by all of the above.

But on the bright side, I got some free eggs out and possibly some spaghetti sauce if I want it...and essentially a second apartment if I want it (for any guests that may want to come hang out).

ANNNNND

This is Wanda. I'm babysitting her/hoping to revive her and not completely and accidentally murder her.

*EDIT*
Make that 5 times I've now been stopped by the God the Mother cult. Today, twice. The first one I said no to and just kept walking. The second time, I said no and kept walking and this very enthusiastic girl followed me..."No thank you, no thank you, no thank you..." and she just kept talking. Then she followed me INTO MY APARTMENT BUILDING. So I had no choice but to stop walking or she would have followed me up to my room and I DO NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE. Then she starts CRYING about how she wants me to go to heaven with her. "Don't you want to go to heaven??" O.M.G. So she forces me to take a pamphlet and her phone number and then hugs me...uh, hello personal space. And is still talking as I scoot into the elevator, praying she doesn't follow me into the elevator. Geeeeeeeez LOUISE. AND I TOLD HER SOMEONE HAD ALREADY TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT. I'm going to just start yelling at these people if they approach me again. "YOU SEE THESE ROCKS?!?"